Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman
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Pamela Druckerman’s book “Bringing Up Bébé” shares the secrets of French parenting and how they raise happy, polite, and independent kids. Here are seven key lessons from the book that you can try with your own family.
1. The Art of Waiting: Teaching Patience
French parents believe it’s important for children to learn how to wait. Instead of giving in right away when a child asks for something, they help kids practice patience. For example, French children know they have to wait until the official snack time, called le goûter, which is usually around 4 p.m. Even if they’re hungry before then, parents gently remind them that snack time comes later.
Learning to wait helps children build self-control. Over time, patient kids are better at handling frustration and solving problems. This skill makes them more confident and independent as they grow up.
2. Setting Firm Boundaries with Kindness
French parents set clear rules, but they do it with a calm and gentle voice. Instead of yelling or getting angry, they explain the rules and stick to them. Saying “no” is seen as important, because it helps children feel safe and know what to expect.
At the same time, French parents balance firmness with warmth. They give hugs, listen to their kids, and show love—so children know they are cared for, even when they can’t always get what they want.
3. The Importance of Adult Time
In France, parents make sure to have time for themselves, their hobbies, and their relationships. They believe that happy parents make happy families. Children are taught to respect adults’ time and space. For example, kids know not to interrupt when adults are talking at dinner.
This helps children learn patience and respect for others. When parents take care of themselves and their relationships, the whole family feels more balanced and less stressed. It also sets a good example for children about self-care and respect.
4. Cultivating Independence Early
French parents encourage their children to do things on their own from a young age. Kids might pick out their clothes, button their shirts, or use a spoon by themselves. It’s okay if they spill or make mistakes—these small failures help them learn and get better.
When children try things for themselves, they feel proud and confident. Each little success boosts their self-esteem and helps them become more independent and resilient.
5. Embracing the ‘Cadre’ (Framework)
The French use the idea of the cadre, which means having a strong but flexible framework. There are clear rules and routines, like regular mealtimes and bedtimes, but there is also room for creativity and change.
Having predictable routines helps children feel safe and calm, because they know what will happen next. Every family’s framework is a little different, and it’s okay to adjust it when life changes—like during school holidays or special events. The key is to give children both structure and room to grow.
6. Balanced Eating Habits from the Start
French parents teach their kids to eat a wide variety of foods, just like adults do. They introduce vegetables, new flavors, and different textures early on, so children learn to enjoy many healthy foods.
Families eat meals together at set times, with only one snack in the afternoon. This helps kids know when to expect food and avoid asking for snacks all day. Children are also encouraged to eat slowly and enjoy their food, which teaches them to listen to their hunger cues.
Letting kids help prepare meals—like washing veggies or setting the table—makes them excited to try new foods and feel proud of their efforts.
7. Letting Children Be Children
French parents don’t fill every hour with classes and activities. Instead, they give kids plenty of free time to play, imagine, and just be kids. Downtime helps children feel less stressed and more balanced.
Free play gives kids the chance to be creative and come up with their own games. Even boredom can be good—when children are bored, they learn to use their imagination and entertain themselves. This builds independence and helps them manage their own time.
By trying these seven lessons from “Bringing Up Bébé,” you can help your children become more patient, independent, and happy. French parenting shows that with a little structure, warmth, and trust, kids can thrive and families can enjoy life together.